Listening Closely: Andrew Solomon and the Search for Identity

Andrew Solomon is one of our foremost thinkers and writers. An accomplished author on topics that include politics, art, culture, mental health, among many, Solomon’s work regularly appears in The New York TimesThe New Yorker, Artforum, and other publications. He has written several award-winning books, fiction and non-fiction. Solomon is active with PEN as President of the American Center. He also holds an appointment as professor of clinical psychology at Columbia University Medical Center. Supremely talented, Solomon has also battled depression for much of his life. A gay man, coming out was not easy for him. He has been active in promoting LGBTQ rights as well as securing rights and recognition for the deaf.

Knowing all this – and a bit more – is helpful when tackling Solomon’s magisterial Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity. It is a massive work, just under a thousand pages in paperback. A mixture of autobiography, journalism, and research, Far From the Tree is one of the most informative and comprehensive works that I have ever encountered about human difference, especially difference within a family. It garnered multiple prizes and awards. It is also a challenging work, one that raises as many questions as it answers.

Solomon categorizes parents and children vertically – children are genetically similar to their parents – and horizontally – sometimes children are very, very different from their parents. He set out to explore how those differences manifest themselves and how they play out for children, parents, and their families. Solomon is deeply curious, deliberately thoughtful, and quite an interviewer. What he learns and the personal stories he recounts are extraordinarily interesting and moving.

Woven throughout are Solomon’s thoughts, observations, and his own history. Solomon’s homosexuality was a key difference from his family, a horizontal distancing. That difference was in many ways a key factor in shaping his identity. Solomon knows what that felt like as a child; he is also giving consideration to what that difference means for a parent.

The book is organized into twelve chapters, with “Son” and “Father” serving as bookends. Deaf, Dwarfs, Down Syndrome, Autism, Schizophrenia, Disability (these include children with multiple disabilities), Prodigies, Rape (children of rape), Crime (children who commit crime), and Transgender are Solomon’s clusters of difference. In each, Solomon balances personal stories and interviews with data, clinical history, and professional knowledge. He is inquisitive and open throughout. He cares – but he does not lose his critical faculties or perspective.

Some communities of difference seem to resonate with him. It is clear that he is profoundly moved by the deaf community. I did not sense the same connection when it came to his chapter on children who commit crime. Broader sociological themes of race and class are present, but Solomon’s tool of understanding is his intellect and attention to the individual. He is more psychologist than sociologist.

It is impossible not to be impressed by Solomon’s intelligence, the scope and scale of his references, and his artful use of detail to convey broader meaning. All that said, it was also difficult at times to understand exactly what Solomon is after. Why so many stories, so many different kinds of differences? The sheer volume and density can work against clarity. It is both cheering and something of a relief to read at the end of the tome that Solomon has taken the plunge into fatherhood. Solomon knows that one cannot be a successful parent and a perfectionist. He knows that loving and raising children is changing his identity; I am confident that he will find it amazing and humbling experience. It was only when I realized that Solomon was researching and writing for himself, as part of this journey to parenthood and self-understanding, that I was able to circle back find a better way of making sense of the material.

While Solomon’s focus in Far From the Tree is families, it can be an important book for colleges and schools. Education is the primary community outside of the family for children and young adults. Educational institutions either validate or reject identity and difference – and I do not believe that we either understand or think through what that responsibility entails. Solomon’s work highlights the significant role that educators and the wider educational community can have.

A school may respond to a child’s desire to assert a gender any number of ways. A college can truly welcome and support students who have disabilities or it can only provide required services. In the classroom, a professor can explore questions of identify and difference with understanding and sympathy, or a teacher can create a binary structure of “normal” and “abnormal” that shuts off exploration and inclusion. I have little evidence that these choices are necessarily made in any systematic way – but I do believe that they have a profound impact on those that are different. Far From the Tree hammered home the outsize role that schools have on the difference. They confirm behaviors of acceptance or they reject identity and distance those who are different. Do not underestimate the many ways that institutions of learning set and reinforce social norms.

The re-engagement of my community college with the Jacqueline B. Vaughn Occupational High School spurred my reading of Solomon’s book. Vaughn provides “a specialized education for high school students with cognitive, developmental and multiple disabilities. Vaughn’s mission is to teach its students individualized, functional academics, emphasizing occupational development and independence.” The teachers and staff are committed. The students are amazing. It all adds up to a powerful institution, one that you want to support.

Wright College regularly partners with high schools. Vaughn regularly integrates its students in community and business partnerships. I believe that Wright’s relationship with Vaughn will benefit both institutions – and I am especially keen on what we learn from Vaughn and its students. I anticipate that as we build this partnership, Wright will learn a great deal.

It is this look for inclusion, acceptance and understanding that I carried away as an educator from Far From the Tree. Solomon’s motivation may have been personal, but his book’s theme is broader. Identity is personal and communal. Difference, the construction of “not being normal” is about children, their families, and their communities. Schools can ignore this or embrace the challenge. Education can make questions of identity and inclusion easier or more difficult.

The search for identity is often based on what one is not. Crafting an identity on what one is calls for work on a difficult path – but that journey can be an inclusive and positive one. Loving parents that have horizontally distanced children learn this, as do their children. It is a worthwhile goal for schools and colleges, too. We can be better institutions, for our students, ourselves, and our communities, if we listen closely and focus on helping to build identity through inclusion and acceptance.

David Potash

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